LEARN HOW TO SPEAK UP

Speak Up! Learn How to Say What You Want!

“Where do you want to go eat tonight?” “I don’t care. What do you want?” “Whatever you want.” “Well what do you want?” “I don’t know. Where should we go?”

This type of exchange happens all over America every evening as humans try to figure out what to eat without sounding too pushy, needy or over-opinionated. In the meantime, countless hours are lost because no one will speak up out of fear of saying the wrong thing.

How can you learn to speak up? How can you learn to say, “I want to try Ethiopian food tonight”?

Public speaking is the number one fear in the nation, greater even than the fear of death! While most of us don’t have to face a podium in front of a crowd of strangers to deliver a speech every afternoon, the fear of public speaking trickles down into everyday life and many people find their tongues tied in situations involving their co-workers, their friends and even their families. For many people, speaking up is a difficult endeavor fraught with danger.

What if I sound stupid?
What if my opinion is the wrong one?
What if everyone laughs at me?
What if I get tongue-tied and flub my words?
What if nobody else likes Ethiopian food?

START SPEAKING UP!

If you have trouble speaking your mind, you must first realize this: everyone is wrong sometimes, and everyone sounds stupid sometimes. Everyone says something silly now and then, from the smoothest, most popular ladies’ man to the leading lady with a doctorate in debate to YOU. Once you recognize the fact that no one is perfect, it will be much easier for you to voice your opinion. Choosing not to speak is a decision based on fear; on the fear of not coming across as well as you hope to. And fear is NEVER what you should be basing your decisions on.

• Once you realize that no one is the epitome of eloquence, then you must learn to laugh at yourself. This skill will come in handy when you inevitably say something wrong, or weird, or funny, like: “I want to eat AN Ethiopian.” Being able to laugh at yourself is an invaluable skill in this life, which you cannot take seriously. If you can’t laugh at yourself, who will? Practice laughing at yourself when you are home alone and trip on the rug or shoot milk out of your nose, and soon laughing at yourself in public will be second nature.

• Another action you can practice is to talk to people whose opinions of you don’t matter too much in your head. It can be very hard to say what you want to the hottest guy at the party, so start by chatting up the bouncer, the door girl and the bartender. Service people are excellent guinea pigs for practicing speaking up with; not only do they have to talk to you, but they are discouraged from laughing in your face when you say the wrong thing. Practice saying clearly, “I would like the chocolate ice cream for dessert, please” and with enough experience telling what you want to service people, you will find it comes much easier in other, more socially stressful situations.

• When in those situations where the pressure is on to be witty with your words, one of the best things to do to help yourself speak up is to listen. Actually listening to what other people have to say will make it easier for you to engage with the conversation instead of just being a bystander. Active listening will give you ideas for something interesting to say.

• Once something to say pops into your mind, just say it. It may not be the most clever thing anyone has said ever in the history of the universe, but so what? A big part of the fear of speaking up has to do with doubting yourself and being afraid that what you have to say is unimportant, irrelevant, or just plain stupid. You must have confidence that your opinion counts and that other people want to hear what you have to say. Once you overcome the hurdle of knowing that what you say matters, you will be chiming in on conversations from the dance club to the dinner table.

Remember, to learn how to speak up you must realize that no one is a perfect speaker, know how to laugh at yourself, practice talking to strangers, actually listen to the conversation and most importantly, believe that what you have to say matters and is important and interesting. Because you are, and so are the words which will fall from your mouth.

“I want to eat Ethiopian food tonight.”

“Sounds great. Let’s go!”

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Shilo Urban is a freelance writer who has just relocated to Los Angeles after her previous homes of Seattle, New Zealand, Paris, Maine, and Austin. She is an active member of the West Coast electronic music community and lives to promote the art that she loves and the people who create it.