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How To Know If A Man Is Playing You
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How To Spot A "Player": Things To Look Out For When Dating A Man

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The art of the player has been glorified to such the extent in our consumer society that seemingly every young male dreams not of true love and a family someday, but rather how many women he can pick up in one night (or day).

Players are good-looking, charming, fun to be around and can be quite entertaining to date- if a no-strings, no-future relationship is what you truly want.

The problem arises when girls don’t know they are dating a player. Or even worse, you start dating a player and are fine with a no-strings-attached relationship at first, only to find that your feelings grow and all of a sudden you want a movie night with Mr. See-And-Be-Seen. Good luck with that one.

Be careful, because many of the attributes of the player are hyped-up male characteristics that most women are attracted to, such as those common in Alpha Males. What girl wouldn’t want a handsome and athletic guy that gives eye contact and makes you drool? Players have high levels of testosterone, which women have proven again and again that they are attracted to. But when it comes to choosing a mate to create a life with, testosterone is a dangerous fuel. Not every male with high levels of testosterone will cheat on you, but it is a scientific fact that they are more likely to.

Listen to what he says, but believe what you see and most of all- don’t let your heart and your hormones overrun what you know to be true in your head.


Whether you just ran into him at a party or have been dating him for a year, it is never too late to spot a player. If you are just getting involved with a guy or are starting to develop feelings for someone you have been dating, you must ask yourselves these questions and answer them honestly. While all men have some player characteristics, if you keep answering ‘yes’ to the following points and start to get a sick feeling in your stomach, congratulations- you’ve just spotted a player.

1. He has a nice smile, nice clothes, and nice car. He looks good all the time and obviously makes more of an effort on his appearance than other males.


2. He is a smooth talker. The lines he tells you are so perfect and resonate so warmly in your heart, they almost sound rehearsed. This is because they probably have been rehearsed- when they were rolling off his tongue into the ears of another girl.


3. He won’t make plans with you until the last minute, often not until the day-of. He is waiting to see if something better (and hotter and younger) comes along. He tends to either show up last-minute and make your day, or fails to appear and leave you disappointed and alone.


4. His friends are players and have a lot of drama with the female set.


5. He seems like Prince Charming and seems to know all your wants and needs even before you do.


6. His intense eye contact is at the same time captivating and unnerving.


7. Although when he is not making this enraptured eye contact, his eyes are shifty and searching the room (or bar or party) around you- he is looking for other women.


8. You have not met his friends or family and in fact, he rarely even talks about them.


9. You find female accessories or products in his car or house.


10. He rarely answers his phone when you call, choosing to ring you back instead. Unless however you are together and his phone rings- then he practically jumps on it to see who is calling or texting him.


11. He quotes poetry to you. Add ten points if it’s Shakespeare. He did not memorize that for you alone my dear, but rather has an arsenal of fake romantic moves to win women over. This is one of them.


12. He knows a ton of people everywhere you go.


13. When you are alone together, things are great and he is a sweet and attentive mate. Out in public with other people, however, you wonder if he remembers you exist and borders on acting like a jerk.


14. He is a DJ or musician. These artsy, attention-craving types are known to be players. Date at your own risk.


15. He is an athlete. Athletes have higher levels of testosterone, which makes a male more prone to being non-monogamous.


16. He is a risk-taker, and prefers jumping out of airplanes to a round of baseball. Risk-taking is an innate (and possibly genetic) characteristic, and people like this take risks in all parts of their lives, including with your heart.


17. There are rarely any public displays of affection between the two of you, but privately he can’t keep his hands off your assets.


18. His Myspace and Facebook profiles are brimming with general “hey hottie” comments from girls, yourself included. However if you leave a comment that implies some sort of relationship between the two of you, it is immediately taken down.


19. Your friends and/or family think he is a player. Sometimes our loved ones can see things that we either cannot or do not want to.


20. He mentions sex up front, before you even really know him.


21. He flirts with other women in front of you, and when you call him on it he says he is just being nice and friendly and you are being insecure.


22. He he hesitates when you ask to use his phone to make a call, he seems very uncomfortable or denies you. He doesn’t want you seeing all those racy texts from other girls.


24. He has a strong, square jaw (think male models). For the male body to build such a large bone structure, it needs a massive dose of testosterone to fuel the growth spurt during adolescence. A square jaw means the man has very high testosterone levels.


25. He refers to past girls he was involved with as stalkers or “obsessed.”


26. You only see him when he wants to see you, and have little say in the timing of your dates or hookups.


27. He has many, many female friends or worse- almost all his friends are women. He craves female attention, lots of it. You will never be enough for him.


28. He lies. Whether you catch him lying to you or lying about random things somewhere else, a person doesn’t lie in only one part of their life. A liar is a liar, and if he lies about small things in his life, he is probably lying about big things too.


29. All women love him, from 2 year-olds to 92 year-olds.


30. If you call him a player, he gets really pissed off.

Take heart, ladies. There are good men out there who will treat you like the special woman you are and make you feel like a goddess. Keep looking; it will be worth it in the end.

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Shilo Urban is a freelance writer who has just relocated to Los Angeles after her previous homes of Seattle, New Zealand, Paris, Maine, and Austin. She is an active member of the West Coast electronic music community and lives to promote the art that she loves and the people who create it.

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