THE HIDDEN LESSONS OF LOVE

Take What You Learn From Every Relationship and Become A Better Person!

When love ends, the resulting trauma to the human soul and psyche is enough to make one wonder if it was ever even worth it. After being hurt by love, it is human nature to try and run from it and to build a wall around ourselves to keep away the intimacy that makes such pain possible. Deep down however, we all know that indeed love is always worth the impending pain, and that one day of bliss with a human you truly love is worth a week of being alone later.

Even after the good times have come to an end, you can still reap the benefits of a loving relationship and use its lessons to grow and create positive personal change in your life. Every encounter with another human being has the potential to teach us something about ourselves, and relationships of length and depth can highlight aspects of our character that may not be entirely golden.

Everyone has flaws. Using your relationships to determine yours, you can then work on them and become a better person. Knowing your biggest weaknesses can be your biggest strength; denying that you have any faults is a one-way ticket to a lonely life.

Take a look at your past several relationships, and see what patterns emerge. Repeating behaviors and characteristics are much more likely to reveal something about you rather than the men you date. Are you always dating commitment-phobes? It is highly likely that you are the one who is scared of commitment. Do you constantly suspect your boyfriends of cheating even though they are faithful? Looks like you need a self-esteem boost.

Examining the problems in your relationships is an excellent way to create change in your life. Conflict leads to growth, if you can analyze it instead of screaming about it. Much of the conflict in relationships is due to partners not doing things “the right way,” which is of course, your way. Learning to let go of trying to control your world is a big step forward in self-actualization and will lead to happier mates and a happier you. Besides, control is an illusion anyway- we don’t control our world or anyone else's. Letting go of small arguments can feel like a giant weight lifting off your back. Picking up his socks every day is highly preferred to arguing over his socks on the floor every day. Learn to compromise, learn to give of yourself, and learn to let go.

Although American society is obsessed with sex, we are terrified of intimacy; they are two very different things. Intimacy means showing someone your weaknesses, and this is a risky move. He might not love you anymore. He might laugh in your face and tell the world you are an epic loser. But life is not about staying safe in a secure harbor and never setting sail; rather we must use the precious days we have been granted to seize our dreams and go after our wildest desires. For most humans, this includes a partner to share our moments with, both funny and sad. Lasting love requires the acceptance of the good, bad and the ugly; we all have shared fears and human insecurities and must accept that fact before moving forward to become better people.

What are the loves in your life trying to teach you? Whether you are alone or in a relationship, improving yourself will always lead to happier times and a more actualized life. By examining the hidden lessons of love, we can use them to grow into stronger and more fulfilled human beings.

“I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.”

Alfred Lord Tennyson

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Shilo Urban is a freelance writer who has just relocated to Los Angeles after her previous homes of Seattle, New Zealand, Paris, Maine, and Austin. She is an active member of the West Coast electronic music community and lives to promote the art that she loves and the people who create it.