FRIEND OR FRENEMY? A Guide to the Friends You Need and the Ones You Don’t |
 | Andrea Lavinthal and Jessica Rozler have written a hilarious, yet highly informative and oh-so-relevant book that can help you take a hard look at who your real friends are. |
WHAT EXACTLY IS A FRENEMY? |
Andrea Lavinthal and Jessica Rozler's definition of a frenemy is:
- Part friend, part enemy
- Part passive, part aggressive
- A shape shifter, going from sweet to sour in the matter of a happy hour (see underminer, user, clinger, backstabber, clueless)
A BIT OF “FRIENDLY” ADVICE |
| Throughout the book, Lavinthal and Rozler share wisdom such as how friends “…need to be a part of a network of friends, a community of people with different strengths, weaknesses, backgrounds and personalities,” and that for many people, friends are really like family, especially if their biological family is not in the physical vicinity. In addition to discussing friend etiquette (with emphasis on electronic communication), the authors talk about guy friends, work friends, and yes, they also discuss the dreaded friend break up, including the part where you make up and move on with your lives. Chapter 6 is devoted entirely to the “frenemy,” and you may find that it could shatter some of your “ignorance is bliss” attitudes about the people you think are your friends; but at the same time, it will truly make you appreciate your tried and true BFF’s. | |
5 TIPS TO AVOID FRENEMIES |
For those of you in school, the authors offer these tips to avoiding frenemies during the school year:
TIP #1: GET INVOLVED!
Try taking part in activities that make you feel good about yourself. Play sports, take an art class, volunteer, sing in a chorus – pick your passion. You’ll expand your social horizons and diversify your friend portfolio, not to mention have some fun in the process.
TIP #2: ACKNOWLEDGE FRENEMY TENDENCIES
If one of your friends is suddenly exhibiting frenemy-like behavior, talk to her one on one about it, away from other people. Try to be as direct as possible and also listen to her side of the story.
TIP #3: DON'T BRING IT TO FACEBOOK
Don't EVER take drama with frenemies to the Internet. Back in the days before cyberspace (we know, it’s hard to believe that those days even existed), teenage horrors like unfortunate hairdos and friend drama could be tucked safely away in yearbooks and diaries. Today, unfortunately, online communities and blogs are very public (and permanent) forums for communication. If you fire off an angry, 500-word posting about a frenemy, your words won’t fade away like memories or a bad dye job.
TIP #4: SPEND TIME WITH THE ONES THAT MATTER
True friends don’t make you feel bad about yourself. One of the best ways to deal with a frenemy is to limit your contact with that person as much as possible. Extract yourself from the drama by spending quality time with your real friends. Despite all of the celebrity “feuds” that make headlines, girls can and do get along with each other. Nothing beats having a great group of girlfriends. A frenemy is often an insecure person who is not worth your time or energy.
TIP #5: DON'T BE A FRENEMY YOURSELF
You can also help avoid having frenemies by not being a frenemy. Treat others how you want to be treated and watch Gossip Girls for your dose of friend drama rather than creating your own.
You can learn much from this read and I promise you’ll get a laugh out of their dry sense of humor as well. You can purchase Andrea and Jessica’s book, Friend or Frenemy, here. It is a very relatable book and it may make a light bulb go off over your head about certain people; but you won’t know until you read it!
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Article Written By: Laura Miller; Laura is a beauty and health/wellness/fitness writer living in Atlanta, Ga. Her many years in the salon and spa business served as a springboard for her next career move as a full-time writer. She now writes articles for DivaVillage.com and their sister-site VillageMAMA.com.
